TIMMY NEEDS A NEW BRAIN
by Angle of playdo
Summary: This is Timmy. :( He needs a new brain and can't afford the surgery. Hitori found out about it and decided to get his friends and family, who being friends and family work for free, and make them put on a play to raise money for Timmy. please R
1. God what have we done

Disclaimer:  
  
Robert – I don't own the rights to Fruits baskets or Pippin but I was in  
pippin and Fruits baskets. My school does a wide range of plays. I was Kyo,  
the true cat costume itched like hell.  
  
Cassie – I watched the play and it wasn't half bad.  
  
Robert – It was all bad.  
  
Cassie – Just so you know I'm Robert the bobert's sister.  
  
Robert – Don't call me that Cassie the assy.  
  
Cassie – It's assie not assy.  
  
Robert – Sorry. Well just so you know anything in bold is singing. Most of  
the words that are sung are the real lyrics so that makes us look less  
crazy.........or does it.  
  
Cassie – Some things are just plane weird so if the word has one of these   
then there will be a cliff note at the end of the chapter.  
  
Cassie and Robert – Hope this disturbs you.  
  
Pippin:  
A Hitori co. Production  
Audience – Look at the leads of this play it should be good. Lets not look  
at the extras, stage crew, and lights because they're not important.  
  
Program  
  
Pippin –Yuki  
  
Lewis – Kyo  
  
Charlemagne – Ayame  
  
Leading player – Haru  
  
Theo – Hiro  
  
Fastrada – Kagura  
  
Catherine – Hana  
  
Berthe –Tohru  
  
Closed curtains  
  
Hitori – Welcome to the show. I hope you will enjoy our presentation, but  
first let me remind you of the reason we are here. (Hitori holds up a  
picture) This is a picture of little Timmy; he needs a new brain and can't  
afford the surgery. (A single tear drips down Hitori's face and he  
sniffles.) If any of you decide that you want your money back then little  
Timmy will die and it will be all your fault. His death will loom over your  
heads till the day you die. (Hitori bows his head in silence for a minute  
and then picks it up and starts to speak in a chipper mood) Please turn off  
all cell phones and pagers as not to distract the actors. (Phones and  
beepers start making their going off noises) Please no...  
  
Shiguri – (runs on stage) Why didn't I get a part in the show?  
  
Hitori – You just want to be near all those girls in tights.  
  
Shiguri – Is that so wrong.  
  
Ayame – (runs out from back stage in his costume) Don't worry you'll get a  
part tonight.  
  
Yuki and Kyo – (from back stage) Would you stop that!  
  
Hitori – And may I now present Pippin. (One last phone turns off)  
(Shiguri stomps back to the audience and Ayame skips back stage. Curtains  
open and fog rolls along the floor)  
  
Cast – Ooooooo, Oooooooo  
Join us leave your fields to follower (White hands appear on stage and  
make grabbing motions)  
  
Audience – Oooooo Aaaaaaaa  
  
Cast – Join us leave your cheese to sour  
Join us come and waist an hour or two (Hands spring back and form the  
number two, Kyo hits Yuki in the face and Yuki grunts in anger)  
Deedle-ee-do  
Journey, journey to spot (hands start waving back and forth)  
Exciting, mystic, and exotic  
Journey through our anecdotic review (hands disappear)  
  
We've got magic to do (hands shoot up and Yuki wakes Kyo in the face  
causing Kyo to make a loud grunt of pissedofidness.)  
Just for you (hands point out)  
We've got miracle plays to plays (Hands spring back and Kyo re-retaliates.)  
We've got parts to perform (hands move out to the side and Yuki breaks  
Kyo's nose)  
Hearts to warm (hands go in towards where their hearts would be)  
Kings and thing to take by storm (hands make grabbing motions)  
As we go along our way (hands disappear and while disappearing Kyo rips out  
a lock of Yuki's hair.)  
  
Intrigue plots to bring disaster (all hands go into a five position and  
slowly make fist, Yuki then shoves leeks, which are glowing in the black  
light, into Kyo's mouth.)  
Kyo – That's it you damn rat.  
  
Cast –Humor handle by a master (hands cross over each other)  
  
Yuki – Baka neko.  
  
Cast –Romance sex presented pastorally  
  
Ayame – Ooooo  
  
Hitori – Stop that  
  
Cast –Deedle-ee-dee  
Illusion fantasy to study (Hands start crossing over each other except for  
Yuki's and Kyo's which are what seems to be the patented anime fight thing  
where the hands interlock and one set is really high and the other is at  
about face level...you know the one.)  
Battle barbarous and bloody (the hands form fist that look like they are  
blocking a blow, Tohru hugs Yuki and Kyo)  
Join sit where everybody can see (hands disappear, Yuki and Kyo's glove  
can't be seen anymore because rats and cats are very small and I've never  
seen a rat or cat wearing human gloves and look good.)  
  
We've got magic to do (hands shoot out)  
Just for you (hands point out)  
We've got miracle plays to plays (hands spring back)  
  
Tohru – ahh! (Fall)  
  
Cast – We've got parts to perform (hands go out and two more of the cast  
members are turned into animals but you can kind of see a giant glowing cow  
due to the backlight.)  
Hearts to warm (hands go to where there hearts would be)  
Kings and thing to take by storm (Hands make grabbing motions)  
As we go along (lights go on and everyone moves out into the audience while  
a cat, a cow, a bunny, and a rat scurry of stage)  
  
We've got magic to do and to play  
We've got foibles and fables to portray  
As we go along our way. (the characters freeze in front of the audience)  
(The Yuki fan club starts dancing on stage)  
  
Hitori –Turn, 2, 3, 4 kick, 2, 3, 4, spin, 2, kick, 4 Jump, 2, 3, 4,  
flip...Who's that back stage?  
  
Shiguri – Oh ya baby shake it. Shake it like a Polaroid picture  
  
Hitori – Security!  
  
Shiguri – What the? I'll be back!  
(Everyone starts mingling with the audience and the dancers leave)  
(Music changes and everyone comes back except Ayame, Yuki comes back from  
being back stage and drags Ayame away from the scared little man whose hand  
Ayame has not let go.)  
  
Ayame – (while being dragged away) And then I told him that I was from a  
very royal family who as a tribute to mumph (Yuki stuffs a cloth in Ayame's  
mouth)  
  
Haru – (Walks onto the center of the stage in a dazzling suit) Hello there  
welcome to Pippin sit back relax and...(phone rings) did you people even  
listen to Hitori at the beginning. Come up on stage you bastard. (Man with  
phone walks up on stage)  
  
Cast – (sigh) Dark Haru  
  
Haru – I have the right mind to beat you till your esophagus is not running  
down your throat but up your ass.  
Random Audience member #294 – Is that possible!  
  
Haru – Shut up! (Grabs Momiji in bunny form and throw him at the person)  
  
Momiji – Waaaa Tohru Haru threw me. (Cell phone man runs off stage)  
  
Haru - ...enjoy the show  
  
Cast – (sigh of relief) Light Haru  
We've got magic to do (hands shoot out)  
Just for you (hands point out)  
We've got miracle plays to plays (hands spring back)  
We've got parts to perform (hands go out)  
Hearts to warm (hands go to there hearts)  
Kings and thing to take by storm (Hands make grabbing motions)  
As we go along our way (everyone poses)  
  
Cliff notes  
  
Pissofidness – I can make up words...don't judge me, you don't know me.  
  
Scurry – He he scurry sounds funny.


	2. We can't stop writing this or the monkey...

Disclaimer:  
  
Robert – If you read the first chapter you would know what we own.  
  
Cassie – If you didn't then we own a computer...and that's about it...yep. This  
one is long.  
  
Robert and Cassie – Enjoy.

Haru – (everyone goes back stage except a small group of actors) Ladies and  
Gentlemen this evening we bring you a stunning example of...  
  
Momiji - ...Magic...  
  
Ritsu – ...and...um...I'M SORRY I FORGOT MY LINE.  
  
Hitori – Merriment, the line is merriment.  
  
Ritsu – I GOT THE LINE WRONG AND NOW THE WHOLE PLAY IS RUINED. LITTLE  
TIMMY'S BRAIN WILL GO BAD IN THE FREEZER BECAUSE OF ME.  
  
Hitori – Just say MERRIMENT.  
  
Ritsu – ...(sniffle)... Merriment.  
  
Haru – (sigh) You will witness acts of...  
  
Shiguri – ...Lust...  
  
Uo – ...Murder...  
  
Hana – ...Holy War.  
  
Hitori – Why is Shiguri there? Where is Tohru?

Back stage  
  
Tohru – mmmm (blindfolded and tied up)

On stage  
  
Hitori – Security.  
  
Shiguri – Don't judge me! You don't know me!  
  
Haru – Ha ha...a...yeah...right. And a climax ladies and gentlemen. A climax  
never before seen on a public stage. (Kisa nervously strolls out with a  
torch) Not now, later.  
  
Kisa – I came out at the wrong time, but Ritsu motioned me out.  
  
Ritsu – I'M SO... (Runs out of the theater screaming)  
  
Hitori – No you are supposed to come out.  
  
Kisa – But Haru just said...  
  
Ritsu – (runs in through the other side of the theater)...SORRY!  
  
Hitori – Just go.  
  
Kisa – Ok (skips off stage)  
  
Haru – Ahem. Going on.  
This is the true-life story of the first-born son of Charlemagne, and is  
entitled...(ta-da sounds are played on the Piano, a sign that says Pippin is  
rolled in front of the actors and the actors put their hands up and wiggle  
their fingers in a lack-luster manner)...(Haru turns around) SPIRIT FINGERS  
DAMMIT! THESE ARE NOT SPIRIT FINGERS. (Haru wiggles his fingers in a lack-  
luster manner) THESE ARE SPIRIT FINGERS, (Haru wiggles his fingers with  
feeling) AND THESE ARE GOLD. (The fingers start wiggling with feeling, and  
Haru turns back to the audience)...There have been many misconceptions about  
Pippin one that he was...  
  
Kisa – (from behind the sign) ...a hunchback.  
  
Haru – Or that he was...  
  
Uo – (from behind the sign) ...enormously tall.  
  
Haru – Or that he was...  
  
Okami – ...... I'M SO...(pulled of stage by random cast member)  
  
Tohru – Completely bald by the age of thirteen.  
  
Haru – But leave all previous misconceptions aside, and watch what we  
reenact for you tonight.  
  
Hitori – It's a matinee we change the line to today, didn't he get the  
memo. Please don't let the audience say anything.  
  
Audience member #94343548855– Something's wrong here but I'm not going  
against that skitso. I'll just sit here and pretended this never happened  
for Timmy's sake.  
  
Haru – The life of Pippin begins. (clap and points to sign)  
  
Kagura – (the top half of Kagura pops up from behind the sign) AHHHHH! DAMN  
YOU CHARLEGMEN, YOU DID THIS TO ME.  
  
Haru – Pippin as a child showed a tremendous thirst for knowledge. (points  
to sign)  
  
Hiro – (pops out from behind the sign holding a book) Hmm so that's the  
difference between murder in the 1st degree and murder in the 2nd degree.  
  
Haru – Merced in these pursuits the years went by quickly. (points to sign)  
  
Yuki – (pops up from behind the sign. He opens his mouth to speak and is  
dropped back down) Damn it Kyo!  
  
Kyo – he he.  
  
Haru – Pippin was sent to the university Padua...  
  
Ayame – Where the faculty of the university gave him the honor of scholar  
of the house, which is nickels and dimes compared to the honor of getting a  
dress from...(Hitori shots Ayame a dirty look, and Ayame leaves. The extra  
actors form a semi circle and Yuki moves to the center, in a tunic made of  
flashy sequence, and baby blue baggy pants obviously made by Ayame.)  
  
Haru – Don't worry he's a little nervous.  
  
Yuki – I'd like a little more lights please. (Haru backs off; claps and a  
spotlight goes on Yuki) Ladies and gentlemen, gentle tutors, and faculty of  
the University I would like to resign as your class president, electronics  
president, chess president...  
  
Hitori – What is he doing?  
  
Shiguri – (sneaks up from the ground next to Hitori, and Hitori screams) He  
told me he had trouble learning the beginning of his speech so I told him  
just pretend that he is resigning from everything he does in his school. I  
could so be assistant director.  
  
Yuki – ...and I'm also sad to say that I can no longer lead the marching  
band, the Atheist club, the Christian faith club...  
  
Hitori – No you couldn't. You did a really bad thing and now we definitely  
won't finish on time.  
  
Shiguri – Your right that was a bad idea but I admitted to my mistake which  
is a great quality to have in a director.  
  
Hitori – Why would you want to direct anyway.  
(Shiguri has a thought bubble appears above his head)

In the Thought Bubble  
  
Sexy Girl – You know I'm an actress.  
  
Shiguri – Well with the right "persuasion" you might get an important part  
in my play. If you know what I mean.  
  
Sexy Girl – Yes. You mean sex right. (Shiguri nods yes) Hurray, I'm good at  
that.

In Real Life  
  
Shiguri – No reason.  
  
Hitori – You do know that your thought bubble was visible to the naked eye.  
  
Shiguri – He...uh  
  
Hitori – Security!  
  
Shiguri – (being dragged away) A man can dream can't he?  
  
Hitori – (sigh) No.  
  
Yuki – ...the gardening club, the Price club, the breakfast club, the pretty  
in pink association the unconformity club and finally the happy squirrel  
club. (Everyone in the theater is sleeping) I know I'm better then all of  
you. (Hitori throws a rock at Uo's head, Uo wakes up and hits Kyo in one of  
those spurts of energy that people have when they um...ah...you know that  
thing)  
  
Kyo – What was that for?  
  
Uo – Shut up. Who hit me is what's important.

Hitori – Say your line.  
  
Uo – Enormously tall  
  
Hitori – The other one.  
  
Uo – Um...Murder.  
  
Hitori – Terrific.  
  
Uo – Gee thanks.  
  
Hitori – Oh forget it.  
  
Yuki – I know there is something.  
  
Haru – (coming out of a daze) Something fulfilling, completely fulfilling.  
  
Yuki – No, wait a minute, yes, completely fulfilling. (Music starts to  
play) Everything has its season, everything has its time. Show me a reason  
and I'll soon show you a rhyme. Cats fit in the frying pan.  
  
Kyo – Hey!  
  
Yuki – Children fit in the snow. Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I  
go?  
  
Akito – (from the audience) Actually Kyo's the one who doesn't fit in  
you're allowed to come by the main house anytime you want but bring a gift  
damn it. (Kyo does an anime fall)  
  
Yuki – Rivers belong where they can ramble. Eagles belong where they can  
fly. I've got to be where my spirit can run free, got to find my corner of  
the sky.  
  
Random audience member #QS-98 – Wait, why would you want a corner of the  
sky?  
  
Random audience member #QS-97 – A lot of people like corners but I like  
sides and middle pieces, less crust.  
  
Yuki – Everyman has his daydreams. (One of the violinists hits a sour note  
causing everyone who was once asleep to awaken...awaken my minions of the  
night...or daytime...since this a matinee I will call them my minions of the  
afternoon.) Everyman has his goals. People like the way dreams have of  
sticking to the soul. (Hitori sneaks up behind the violinist who is playing  
badly and nails him in the head with a giant caterpillar only to relies the  
now unconscious violinist was Shiguri) Thunderclouds have their lightening,  
nightingales have their song.  
  
Michael Jackson as a child – And don't you see I want my life to be  
something more then long. (Everyone except Yuki is dumbfounded)  
  
Yuki – Rivers belong where they can ramble. Eagles belong where they can  
fly. I've got to be where my spirit can run free. Got to find my corner of  
the sky. So many men seem destine to settle for something small. But I  
won't rest until I know I have it all. So don't ask where I'm going, just  
listen when I'm gone.  
  
The Jackson five in harmony – Far away you'll here me singing...  
  
Michael Jackson – ...Softly to the dawn.  
  
Yuki – rivers belong where they can ramble. (Shiguri regains consciousness)  
Eagles belong where they can fly.  
  
Violin – Squeak!  
  
Hitori – Security!  
  
Shiguri – The best laid plains of mice and men...um...ah...of mice and men.  
  
Yuki – I've got to be where my spirit can run free. Got to find my corner  
of the sky. (All the extras move towards Yuki and pat him on the shoulder.  
When kyo gets up to Yuki he hits him in the head. Instinctively Yuki  
punches Kyo in the face. Hitori throws a small rock at Yuki as to get his  
attention. Shippo turns into the big pink ball type thing and starts to  
nibble on Hitori's head. All the extras leave and Hitori throws Shippo into  
orbit.)  
On the first day of my arrival may father sent me a horse, on the second  
day he sent me a falcon, on the third day I went hunting, and on the fourth  
day he came himself.  
  
Haru – Enter Charlemagne. (There is a "poof" of smoke that clears  
revealing Ayame in his "regular clothes" with the addition of a big purple  
cape and a crown.)  
  
Ayame – I have very large, grand, humongous, hippopotamus, hung, cackling,  
gargantuan, practical joke sized, cute, funny, shape shifting, super  
strong, slow and delicate, smile. (Ayame pauses for dramatic effect, and  
smiles.)  
  
Random audience member #79 – I thought he was going to say penis.  
  
Random audience member #78 – Really I thought he would say iguana. (Every  
one looks at Random audience member #78) What, I thought iguana would fit  
there.  
  
Haru – Right...okay. A giant on the battlefield and in the sac...and by sac I  
mean bed...and by bed I mean he great sheets...and by he has great sheets I  
mean he's fun to have at parties...and that's it. (Walks off stage mumbling  
something about iguanas)  
  
Ayame – Why thank you Haru. You always know how to make people feel good  
about themselves.  
  
Hitori – Why does he have to embellish. Ayame don't call him Haru, and all  
of you stop improvising you have been reading the scripts and practicing  
right.  
  
Cast – (the cast says in unison even from backstage) Um...  
  
Hitori – Why did I even ask? (Shiguri pops up next to Hitori again)  
  
Shiguri – I read the script and I know...  
  
Hitori – You know the script because you made a new version of the script.  
  
Shiguri – How would you know that?  
  
Hitori – (Looks out of the directors box and everyone from the audience to  
the actors are watching them.) What are you watching? On with the play.  
(Whispers) Look what you did. Security!  
  
Shiguri – Was never there a tale of more woe then that of Shiguri's  
ambition to get laid by an actress.  
  
Ayame – So...Yuki.  
  
Yuki – (whispers) Call me Pippin.  
  
Ayame – (whispers) Only if you call me José.  
  
Yuki – (whispers) But you're Charlemagne.  
  
Ayame – So Yuki...you like thinner.  
  
Yuki –(sigh) I am.  
  
Ayame – Why what big feet you have Yuki.  
  
Yuki – Uh...thank you.  
  
Ayame – I like your tunic it's quite dashing.  
  
Yuki – (Thinks) He's just trying to plug his store. (says) Thanks.  
  
Ayame – I bet you got that at small shop run by a beautiful man named  
Ayame.  
  
Yuki – No.  
  
Ayame – (Whispers) Work with me here.  
  
Yuki – (Whispers) I will if you call me Pippin.  
  
Ayame – (Whispers) Okay. I changed my mind I want you to call me Enrico  
Fernandez Mendez Lopez.  
  
Hitori – Quick, Haru, skip their lines and introduce the next character.  
  
Haru – Enter Louis!

Cliff notes:  
  
Robert – If you've seen the Invader Zim episode where Gir says, yes...wait a  
minute, no, then you know where that's from, if not then that's where it's  
from.  
  
Cassie – About the minions well they aren't really our minions. Our minions  
have fangs, claws, wings, tails, and the ability to make anything into  
gourmet sausage.  
  
Robert – Before he became an old white women with no nose, Michael Jackson  
was in the Jackson five who re-did the song that Yuki sings, so would you  
leave him out. WOULD YOU? I thought so.

Robert and Cassie – Watch what happens when Kyo comes out, as Yuki's  
younger, but "stronger" half brother. Will there be a fight? (Robert looks  
at Cassie and Cassie looks at Robert and they both brake out in laughter)  
  
Robert – Will there be fight?  
  
Cassie – It's like asking if fish will swim.  
  
Robert – Or if birds will fly.  
  
Cassie – Or if unicorns will take over the Earth.  
  
Robert – yeah.


End file.
